:: the mood... Blessed ::

it's 09 and i'm really wanting to utilize my resources with positive intent & purpose. starting some new things but no resolution... just forward movement.

motto for this year... REMIX!!

amaan... i can't get you off my mind. i've had this mariah carey song stuck in my head... miss u cuz.



Parents launch own search to find son's killer

i've been mad bizi but i really need to revamp this spot. for now i'll just give thanks to my Father for another birthday.

THANKS DAD!!!

read this from another blogger. one of my new favs:

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one” -- Bruce Lee

been walking along a long long road... new blog coming soon. God bless!

i thought i'd share a lil video from some artists that i've grown to love and respect. hear the words. it's real talk yo. time is truly of the essence. love ya! -- yak

this is real talk. hear the words!!! (don't forget to pause the music in the mp3player on ur right before playing the video)

the vanimal : take me as i am

canton jones : the password

posted on my mSpace blog

4:13 AM - im protected by the Great Protector.. can't touch me
Current mood: determined
Category: Life

thanks kirk for reminding me that i should count it all joy. and that no weapon formed shall prosper against me... not violence, nor hatred, nor murder, nor ignorance, none shall prosper for i am protected by the Great Protector and in that VICTORY IS MINE.

I AM protected by the Great Protector... u can't touch me
a few tried and got burned
thought the bible was dead and hadn't learned
all things are dead if not properly discerned
applied to your life at every twist and turn
you'd slip and perm-anently clip your earn-ings and be
with out degree and salvation aint enough
i want my crowns homie u can't touch His stuff
i'm God's property... who out here stopping me?
you could pop me 3 and i'm still good like broccoli
the doctor be... like... i don't think she gone make it
u can tell him yo... her walk was sealed she already made it
Jesus bought and paid it... the price was great it...
was no mistake it... helped her get her life straightened
i cant front or play it... i miss him er'day it...
still seems faded... sometimes i get jaded
but now i'll count it all joy
cuz Mon he made it... walking streets of gold...
rock his crown and parade it... down glittery pavements
now i scream when i say it
AMAAN'S THE GREATEST! from the attic to the basement
dude had it covered... Mr. Atlanta like no other...
uncle cousin and brother... wonderful son to a mother
slick side kick to a father... thanks to the Finisher and Author
thanks be Jesus is the model for truth seekers to follow
dont let philosophy sway you and majority talk get u had
anyone can make a good thing look bad
good thing i trust in My Dad!!
miguel said my dreams will suffice
so imma speak life
let my blessings unfold
till i meet Mon on that gold

in Jesus name!!!
touch me if you think i'm playin!
mic check one two my selector
it's yak and the Great Protector!

WHAT!!!!


dedicated to Eddie Amaan Dhameer Shaheed!
i think of u each time i breath... love you cousin!

WATCH FOX5 NEWS @ 11P TONIGHT!

update:Last night we had such an overwhelming response that they are airing the special on my cousin Eddie Amaan Shaheed again tonight at 11pm. Its a segment of the news so you have to keep watching. last night they showed 2 teasers between 10pm and 10.30 leading up to the actually segment that started at 10.30p and lasted for about 10minutes i guess. I appreciate everyone who watched. I was hoping that people would be able to see it outside of the atlanta area however it is only broadcasted locally in georgia and some parts of alabama.

if you have any friends that live in the atlanta area or frequent the area please pass the word around.

i will also post the number that you can call if you have any information after the show airs tonight.


My cousin Eddie Amaan Shaheed was murdered while walking down the street last may. He was 17 years old. We still don't know who did it. Please watch FOX5 News tonight @ 10p. On Georgia's Most Wanted they will be featuring my cousin's story. If you know anyone in the Atlanta area or surrounding that either lives near Cascade Ave, hangs out there, or even may know someone... please pass on the word. We are hoping to bring the person responsible to justice ASAP. thanks in advance and your support and prayers are greatly appreciated.

links: just a page that i put up when we were planning a march last august against youth violence. it also has a link to my cousins guestbook which we all comment on quite often just to get things off our chest







just thinking:

> eddie amaan dhameer shaheed - 1988 - 2005

i took a bullet in the heart and i'm still breathing
closed my eyes til it got dark prayin to God i'm still dreaming
waking up to reality to see my peoples still leaving
anger is fueling the fire now straight up i'm real steamy
like this kettle on the stove as the flames build beaming
each spark joining together like they tag teaming
i'm that bold homie, i'm serious, i'm that frustrated
wanna find this monkey nut and have his --- castrated
but violence never solved issues that people have debated
neither did bullets soaring through intersections leaving 2yr olds faded
yeah u made it u a thug dude u the top boss
but there is always a lil t.i. wantin to knock yo block off
and he can and he will soon as he get's his weight up
and u so swoll off in the head you'll neva wake up
wait up let me finish before i preview and post
i fantasize bout what its like to exhale and give up the ghost
i fall so short being so tall sometimes i cant believe
why i lose fam in 4s & 5s if folks claim lives go in 3s
and i dont expect anyone to understand thoughts such as these
but i just gotta get these words out my system like it was a disease
so im done finish kaput my Lord help out cha girl
my decisions aint always the best but i want u inside my world
head of my life, the morning star, my pops, my bestest friend
stickin with me by my side til i die... neva to breath again.

i have been dealing and going through but i am a living testimony that on the other side of through is a blessing bigger than you can imagine. God has so much in store... if you would just be faithful and obedient while undergoing change.

peep the song. i'll get back.




touch.

i don't usually write entries of this length but it is what it is. had to get it off my chest so that i can act on what i believe to be valid in the sight of God and make a solid attempt to keep those younger than I from walking swiftly in the wrong direction.



ok. so i've been thinking a lot lately about generations and the gaps that separate them. i would say in general most generations are separated by a gap of ruffly 15-30 years. now by generation i don't mean a single tier in a family tree but more-so that space that widens between 13-18's & 26-32's and between 26-32's & 40-50 something and on up.

so lately i have been hearing a lot of talk about holy hip hop... now i believe it started when kirk franklin gave us stomp and er'body was so feeling it... including me. then we had a few cats doing the Christian rap but most of it was kinda cheesy. Now we have cats drop'n what i believe to be spirit driven lyrics that are solid. delivery is nice, production is on point. its not that bubble gum rap that sounds like you recorded it in the closet with one mic and the door open. i mean this is solid work thats polished and represents the kingdom well.

for me this was a Godsend. i mean i heard cats like canton jones, da truth, ziklag boys, mr. del, triple threat... and i was like dag. if i had cats like this when i was a teen... although we cant really what if and go back in the past... but i truly believe it would have made a difference in my life. see i grew up on kilo, poison clan, clay d, project bounce, r. kelly, mary j. blige, silk... i mean i was feeling conscious music like krs-one, p.r.t, afrika bambaataa and all but i was bumpin all that other stuff too.

yes i am now a different person and i ultimately returned to the teachings that were instilled in me as a kid. those things that i believed and knew to be true. however i had my time in the world which a lot of people have. and i can say that a number of things contributed to my leaving that which i knew to be right and true to my being in the world and doing as i wished, however i can say that music is a big part of it. on average youth spend the majority of their time listening to music. that is a fact. and we all know that music dictates a majority of the trends and practices of our youth as it did when i was younger. like i said there are many things that contributed to my being in the world but music kept me out there a lot longer... clubbing... drinking... smoking. it influenced my outlook on what is involved in a relationship. yeah my parents told me different but what do they know? they old. ya feel me.

so what is it about this music? i have come to realize that music is first and foremost about the production. even with gospel music. if the track isn't right then you betta have one heck of a voice and that being the case then u might as well run it a cappella because no one wants to hear something that's not pleasing to the ear.

so now i see. the younger generation is drawn to the lil weezy's and the d4l's and the t.i's because its fun and it makes you want to move. i can't front yo... even though i think the snap dance should be restricted to a chosen few. i'm feeling the lean wit it rock wit it track. 80% of the lyrics are crap but the rhythm over all composition... it has a ring to it.

now to speak to boring music a bit more. i mean i like soft music too but imma be honest str8 up... some of those old hymns... YOOOOO... i'm sorry but my God already knows... i love Him but i can't feel it. i cant even keep up with it. now be it the flesh or whatever is blockin my ability to fall in love with 79% of the contents of the hymn book... it is what it is. and if its strictly hymn book songs when i get to heaven then so be it... i will be in my new spiritual body and i'll love it by default.

okay.......

d
r
o
p.......


with all that said. I've been tossing back in forth with my Father on what He wants me to do with our youth group at church when so many of the elders think holy hip hop or Christian rap is of the devil. this is the gist of the response i received from my Father this morning...

it don't take all that

So often the elders talk about their praise and their worship and how other people might see them jumping up and down and dancing and they say... well, it don't take all that. but their response is... it may not take all that for you but as for me and my God... i'm giving Him what's in my heart right now... i'm giving Him my all today because i may not have tomorrow. so for me... it takes all that and then some.

The same applies for my youth and their praise & worship. how they praise Me is between Me and My youth. who dares to tell My youth that it don't take all that? do you see them singing old hymns at the top of their lungs? no because that is not dear to their heart. but let them express their love for Me in their own way and you will see what is dear to their heart. Me. be it through poetry or rap or dance... for you it may not take all that. but for them... it takes all that and then some.


str8 piano or organ vs. bass guitar, keyboard, drums, saxophone

there was a time when only a organ or piano was played behind the great hymns that were lifted up through songs. today choirs are accompanied by both organs and keyboards, drums and guitars and even saxophones. instruments what were previously only heard in smoke filled clubs and juke joints. these same people that played for worldly crowds and accompanied vocalist that sang of worldly desires... they now play for Me... who shall dare to tell them that their instruments are not worthy of giving Me praise?


that which the devil intended for evil... i will use it to bless My name

first some history:
some say that the origins of rap music exhibits violence and degradation of women. if proper research were done it would be revealed that hip hop started in the 70s far from violence. it was all about dj's, break beats and break dancers. in its truest form it was two turntables and a microphone. cats like kool herc, afrika bambaataa, d.j. hollywood. the focus was on the dj and the cat on the microphone had the task of keeping the crowd hype and big'n up the dj. then came the break dancer who would then dance to the break beats and bust moves that called for floor moves, popping and locking. there was no beat that *^&$# wit a bat, or b's & ho's. it was all in fun and positive energy. in the late 80s and early 90's hip hop took a turn towards empowerment and unity. you had cats like poor righteous teachers, x-clan, public enemy, and others. speaking on africa, poverty, police brutality and such. shortly after conscious rap took flight, although cats like krs-one, public enemy, and others kept the conscious lyrics going, gangsta rap started to rise up. now gangsta rap had its share of politically driven lyrics but it also played up on its share of violence and pimp'n with cats like ice-t, nwa, rbl posse, celly cel, e-40 and so on... from there we know the 90s also brought us the wu-tang, souls of mischief, naz, biggie, jay-z as well as miami and atlantas bounce/booty music with the kilo, luke, poison clan and other and as 2000 approached we found hip hop spinning off into the bling blingie and what not.

with that said:

rap is the youth... it didn't start off with the killa killa lyrics you find in it now but yet and still it is where it is and it has the attention of My youth. so i say... that which the devil has used to convince My youth that premarital sex and drugs and violence is the way to go. that which the devil has used to speak to my youth and fill their minds with lies... i will use to bless My name. i will fill hip hop with the gospel. i am God i am omnipresent. i am everywhere. where My youth are there I am. i will speak to My youth in ways that some wont understand. just as some pray one way and some pray another. just as some reach out one way and some another. just as some worship one way and some another. so is the praise of My youth... so is the communication line between Me and My youth.

i have come to man where they are and I will continue to do so. and those that can not and will not... those that refuse to reach out to My youth where they are... those that refuse to speak to them in their language.... I say this:


you will lose My children

you are increasing the degree of separation between you and My youth. and the further you separate the less they will hear you. yes they will return to their teachings but they will be in the world far longer. as you have driven them away with your failure to communicate. your refusal to listen. your putting you foot down. you will lose My children. when they could be having workshops that teach them the Word in a manner that they can recycle it and regurgitate it to those that they are in the company of and pull them to me instead you are putting them to sleep. instead they sit in the back pews and send text messages to each other talking about how You don't understand them... and how much fun they are gonna have this evening at so-and-so's house party.

it is as simple as this:

"In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path"

in all thy ways... in your dancing... in your singing... in your chillin'... in your hanging out... in your praise... in your worship... in your service... in ALL THY WAYS. if you were to teach my youth to examine their ways and make sure that there, I am in the midst... the gap would shrink and more souls would be drawn to Me.

instead... you are losing My children.

imma celebrate... imma scream out yo name... imma bump easy street so loud its gone be a shame... look at her... with that blue & white right... man its all bout u if they cant tell its aiight... imma laugh... imma cry... imma try to understand... imma still ask why... imma try and see Gods plan... imma thank God for ya... immma cry cuz i adore ya... tell strangers you the best... pray in peace u always rest... imma live my life for ya... imma try and be the best... imma here ya voice in my ear and cuz u know the rest... imma be ke... like you would be 'mon... its more than just right now... its bigger than just one... amaan is a movement... my cuz was the truest... nothing but love for the fam... so er'day imma do this...

i remember tonio... on the dance flo'... drunk and crying... mal said ke pull it together... i couldnt and wasnt trying... i let it all go... listening to scarface... smile for ya homie... 2 step and then pose... yea imma celebrate cuz nobody knows... man our fam is unique... got the next persons back... when we all together thats when im most relaxed... and when im most crunk... used to be when i was most drunk... but even now its all str8... eryday... imma celebrate...........................

when there aint much u can say
not much u can do
er'thing u wish a dream
end uv the day its still true
every memory is a stain
brings pain until you through

did the vodka thang...
but more pain was at the bottom of the bottle
now you holla and u scream but why bother
cuz even if they hear u they really cant hear u
even say i feel u but they really cant feel u
and all you want is that one person
to still be near you
sometimes i fear u might go off the wrong end
cuz who can handle it when u lose ur bestfriend + kin
and then i just pray that my Pops will hold ur hand
take u through this walk show u things we cant understand.

drove past westview yesterday, still can't turn in
bust a u-turn on abernathy back on 20west again
saying to my Lord... who we got left
worry bout guila and josh, try to help J step
off on a good foot try and keep 'em all close
hoping somehow thats a good thing
but my mind just floats
like aunt dot was close
and she left quick from this place
i guess close dont mean much
and being saved makes u safe
and if in time i could erase
i'd go back to pop's mom
give her a hug and make her better
before the sickness overcome

deep breathes got u sighing
vocals on tracks got u crying
cant think cant sleep
thinkin why and....


what now?

just a few of my favorites...

He's A Rock - Fred Hammond: He Is My Rock!!! I love this song... It's an interlude on one of his earlier projects... Pages of Life. I really wish I had the entire song but this will do :) Thanks Fred... Keep 'em coming.

Holla! - Canton Jones: You know what it is. This is a fun, motivating and straight up hot joint. Basically CJ is throwing a few things out at you and if you feeling him then you gotta holla at the brother. "If you know that God got everything you need, don't need to slang no cane or sell no weed!" now that's what up. It's all good to want nice things... just know the source of your needs and you got it. Yes Lord! I love it. And even when you did hustle to get where you are... stop selling death to the youth. Yeah maybe you are just telling it like it is. But you know that youth hear what they hear on a song and mimic that... snowman where you at? ur delivery is cool you got the tracks to ride, millions of youth are willing to ride with you... why not take them somewhere??????

Livin' 4 - J. Moss: This is the perfect song for a believer that is struggling with letting go of those worldly relationships. You know what God expects from your life but your flesh wants something that you know your soul doesn't need. "My soul want's to be true!". Feel this track and think on it. I been there... done that... and I can speak firsthand... Jesus is a deliverer!!!

Heaven - Canton Jones: Big up Cajo for doing his thing at 112 on last thursday, dec. 8th. I got a chance to get on stage and electric slide to Love Song with him... that was fun! LOL. But truely I love this song. Its so true. Right now I want to dedicate this joint to my cousin Eddie Amaan Dhameer Shaheed (1988*2005). I love you star! and I will see you there when I get there. I got my ticket cuz!!! It will definitely be worth it all! to see tonio, deval, uncle john, aunt dot, grandma & grandpa mays, grandma & grandpa murphy... and to hear Him say WELL DONE!!!! Love yall!!!

*****

endTransmission_

how do i feel today.

a lot better after hearing my pick me up song. it goes a little something like this.. Oh Lord, How excellent. How excellent. How excellent. HOW EXCELLENT! is... Your name! when i think about that... how can i be down??? i mean... HOW EXCELLENT! is Your name! and then the song says... There is none like You! None like YOU! NONE LIKE YOU!!!! JESUS EXCELLENT! is Your name. and then we get more specific... not only is Your name excellent, not only is there none like You but more specifically.. IN ALL THE EARTH! in ALL the earth!!!! JESUS EXCELLENT! is Your name. THANK YA LORD! God... I LOVE YOU! with that type of GOOD NEWS! who cares about the woes of this world... finances, crazy humans in your life, obstacles, hardships, relationships, the lack thereof... what ever... MY JESUS IS EXCELLENT!!!! thats food for my soul and i am glad about it.

yes LORD! EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! EXCELLENT! IS YOUR NAME LORD!!!!

i will smile because i'm saved... not by works but by grace and all because of this excellent name... JESUS!

can You hear me?
i'm not where i need to be.
show me that which You would have me to see.
make me over again.

i love You.

+

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. ” (2 TIM 3:16-17)

my belly so swoll it aint funny...
i don't go to the gym but still i spend da money,
if u ask me thats the make up of a dummy,
lookin like pooh bear and i dont even eat honey,
like dat, man i'm fat... can't even sit like i used too,
look like i got a life time membership to the cookies and juice crew,
i made a boo boo, eatin almonds double dipped in chocolate,
i keep saying i am but i really aint stoppin it...
i've gotten sick... belly wide line backer style like i'm stockin bricks
this habit i got tah kick

it's cool i hear u
sometimes i'm numb but i feel u
sometimes u be looking different but i know that its still u
like it's really the real u when u look in the mirror
its a fantasy world so how we see stuff clearer
keep singin bout the cross and how i need to draw nearer
it's still her though thats what i think when i want to improve
when i know i'm flawed and i want to be new
bring out the good the great me and make the old me move
its really hard when u thinkin its smooth
made the decision 74 times to change
started off a good start but theres something so strange
the good start was the thought but look at all of these days
i'm amazed how the time has passed
since i had that same thought there last
lookin at my calendar man time go fast
its like i crashed into the old me and i'm still that bad
at being at loving at feeling at caring
now i'm looking i'm grilling dissecting i'm staring
at this chic God made she tall gettin chonky
and she keep talkin bout one day she gone be
betta even great have a husband some kids
but as the days go by the apartment is all there is
some aunties some uncles some cousins and slowly
its like little by little God subtracting them only
to show me this lesson how to count all my blessings
and quit all this stressing oh wait this thought just in
it's more to this life than just having a friend
u gotta be one to have one and put it all in
till it fall in perspective lets just get us corrected
know we different and respect it
its hectic i love it and hate it
same time
thinkin now this a lame rhyme
but it all came from this untamed mind
and they say i'm....

for some reason i was just thinking about you. i dont think i ever responded to your comment so i'm responding now. be easy ma... all things in God's time.

shekithia's comment: 08.16.05 - 5:07 pm

Hi, sorry it has took me so long to get back with you,but alot has been happening lately. Well it makes me feel good that someone is trying to get the message to young black americans. I would like to thank you for taking time to respond back. Reading your response has made me feel alot better. I have been down a little every since school started. I attend washington H.S. and it is just so hard to see mon face on a t-shirt. Everytime i see somebody with a shirt with his face on it makes me so sad. I dont know why but it do. Its like my heart falls to the ground when i see things like that. I never knew that something like this could happen to me. I have never been through something like this. It's like i cant stop thinking about him and the last words he told friday may 27,2005 when i visited him. It's hard but I'm trying to move on but its like i cant like something is holding me back. thats why i am glad that i found this website, something that can comfort me when i am feeling down. THANK YOU AND GOD-BLESS

shekithia aka Keekee

response:


hey kee-kee,

hope all is well with you ma and you are still hanging in there. there will be many more trials to face as you grow on this earth. trust me. Amaan was the 5th cousin that i lost and the 4th to guns... he was also the youngest. i saw on the news a few days ago where some guys jumped out of some bushes and shot and killed a 15yr old boy.

its getting worst and worst on the streets and you have to stick close to Jesus in times like these. God is all that you have in your life that will be a constant. I was talking to my aunt Marcia the other night and she reminded me that the Word of God says in Romans 8:35 " Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?". Even when we are losing those that we love dearly and it feels as though everything around us is falling... everything is failing... grow closer to Christ.

I still hurt. I still get confused. I still can't believe that my cousin is really gone. I've kinda come to grips with the fact that my other cousins that left here are really gone... but Amaan... I keep saying he wasn't suppose to leave like this. Amaan was suppose to be a dope mc, change lives with his music, get married and have a family... But the truth of the matter is that God is a God without flaw and He will and He has won the battle. The victory is His and we just have to wait through this crap and all the things that the devil keeps tossing in our face. Keep believing and do what we can to honor Amaan's name. I will forever to strive to make him proud of me and make sure that he always knows that I tried to be a good cousin, show him by good example and be there for him and that I love him always.

yo we livin in this world
and all we got is Christ
and Christ is love
and love is nice
yeah there's family
we get them on loan
here and there they leave
and make their way back home
and home is heaven
and earth is foreign
we strangers in this land
some don't know where they going
so when u get here you lost
and when you leave you found
and we born to die
and how dat sound?
sometimes complex
but when love reflects
you see Christ inside
and that's where He lives
and that's where it is
and without the Christ
you on the wrong side of this
when the trumpet blows
you reppin high or low
that eastside westside wont matter no more
except with the 4 gates
but then you can rep all four
thats fa sho

yo cuz...

i was just reading this piece i wrote when we lost deval in 03. then i came over to read ur GB and....

jamaica got my cry'n
each day it's like i'm finding
new things about myself
new strength that i got left
i can relax no need to hurry
everyday new grace and mercy
new memories flash backs of you
and then i decide this what i'll do
freestyle to past the time
keep Jesus on my mind
remember this life with you
us as kids just passin through
chillin in alabama
ur friends speak 'bout montana
hold u in a special light
and know we gone be aiight
'til that trumpet starts to blow
i take air and leave the flo..
on my way to see my folks
whoeva played u on them's the joke
no weapon formed will prosper
u changed lives b4 & still afta
cuz we good we hold it down
see u already got yo crown
i'm still living to please my God
& close this gap that keeps us apart
tell God that i'm applying
all i learned from u & that i'm trying
to be betta with each day that pass
so i can have this heaven thing on smash

love u cuz!!

*****

this is the piece i wrote for deval. i should have shared my work with u more before now but u taught me that its neva too late. be easy cousin!

light attracts light
like an angel in flight
u watchin me i'm watching you
can't help it i cry in the night
to me u were like a brother
still a cousin like no other
didn't think with all this pain
this summer i was to lose another
man my heart... just pain
it hurts
i read the bible and pray
that works
to help sustain me for a day
still i know this either way
yea i can cry could curse and swear
scream bout how this world aint fair
i see ur smile member good times
no Pops won't give more than I can bare
still this weight is heavy and deep
thoughts of u interupt my sleep
good thoughts that make me laugh
better thoughts that make me weep
God just squeeze my soul
take full control
I kno your worth more than diamonds and gold
and more than anything i wish to overstand
why this world must be so cold
one more soul risen
one more star glistens
until i see u again pimp'n
watch me now talk to me... always i'll listen
out 4 you.

Deval "kin folk" Morrow R.I.P! 1978 - 2003

i represent J-E-S-U-S-C-H-R-I-S-T HOMEBWOOOOOOY!
AYE!! i represent J-E-S-U-S-C-H-R-I-S-T HOMEBWOOOOOOY!
AYE! AYE! AYE! i represent J-E-S-U-S-C-H-R-I-S-T HOMEBWOOOOOOY!

ok i'm crunk. been bumpin canton jones... the new cd is hot! Love Jones in stores now... COP IT!.

Holy Hip Hop Artist Canton Jones
Love Jones	The Password	20 Yrs. 3 Mths. & 12 Days

I've been feeling Canton Jones for a minute. Now the third CD is "Love Jones". The first two were "20 Years 3 Months 12 Days" and "The Password". (u can also buy the new cd at wally world aka walmart)

i'm excited and motivated by Canton Jones' work as well as other Holy Hip Hop artists that are currently blowing up my CD player.

**

We also started our 1st day of revival on yesterday evening and it was very useful. Rev. Reese Tucker is back from Maryland and I just enjoy him every time he speaks. He was our speaker on last year and he really breaks the word down into real in your face scenarios and helps to relate it to your life today. That is a blessing because so many times people can be on point with the message but their speaking goes over your head so you have to fight to stay focused. Not this cat... Thanks Lord!

Scripture text was Job 1:6-12 and spoke on the topic "What does satan see when he looks at you? and What does God say when He talks about you?"

Key thoughts:

1. Is there a hedge about you?

2. When you move out of the will of God you remove your own hedge.

3. God knows how you will respond in the face of any situation... Think about how you respond in the midst of trials and how God feels about your response.

4. Put on the full armor of God and STAND! this really touched me. read the verse. It truly says put on this armor so that you can stand. God didn't say put on the full armor of God and fight! and struggle! He said STAND!!! how much stress have you brought on yourself by fighting a war that has long been won? If Christ is within you, God has a hedge around you, He has dispatched angels to watch over you and you have not been given the spirit of fear then why are you fighting? struggling? stressing?

I'm gonna hold it there for now. ponder that.

Tonight the topic is "What to expect when God is trying to take you somewhere" I am looking forward to this because I want nothing more than to go where my Father wants to lead me and I don't want to miss His will in my life because I'm stubborn or too focused on what I THINK i need to see God is pulling my heart strings saying to me... come, I have something for you.

Lord use me for Your will that my life may be of benefit to Your kingdom.

In Your Son Jesus' name! Amen!!!

u gotta see it for what it is before you know what it do
they talk about u like dogs but keep just enuff help flowing thru
to pacify -- bush a lie, i call him nicolae the anti-christ
he anti-warm hearted, anti-growth and anti-life
see we feed this cat, you'd think we need this cat
we need to bounce this cat, and take our white house back
then charge him back for all the cheese that he spent over seas
charge him back for all the days he was va-ca-tion-ning
homie please, i can't believe we fell for this trap twice
and i didn't even vote for him so i feel screwed over quite nice-ly
it's spicey like gumbo and the fire is blazing
the mouth on the bushes is quite amazing
and we say if walls could talk, trees is talking now
and we stuck with this cat until '08 tell me how
we get off in this pickle aint no samich or no chips
just a buncha neglected citizens and we the ones thats gettin dipped
man i'm ticked, man i'm pissed, man i'm heated, man i'm through
revelations is apon us center stage starring this donkey and his crew.

ode to president george bush - an american beast

i used to think you were good looking then i took a good look.
saw that the attraction harmless but off the top u were shook.
i guess by previous encounters now u try and play it safe.
u might not wanna play it too tight or u'll look up & its too late.
i was excited by the idea of having a new friend.
one without worldly motives "just tryin to get in".
instead here's a friend that keeps first God's will.
and when we say we gone chill, all we really do is chill.
refreshing and new, no stress or attitudes attached.
no "what!? no sex before marriage??!! how we 'sposed to do that"
cuz we kno God wouldn't make a plan unattainable and that's a fact.
but instead you seem nervous, pull back and refrain
but when we first started to talk the feeling wasn't quite the same
it was more cant wait... when schools out we can kick it
school's out and convo is short. really i dont get it
had to decide that God didn't provide for our paths to cross that way
so i speak in passing. hi, hello, good day.
oh well as they say... another chapter, another book.
i used to think you were good looking then i took a good look.

ok... ur still good looking a lil bit but i try not to look as much. it's easier that way, lol. a few months ago this would have been called i used to think you were fine... lol. i'm going to sleep. Lord give me positive dreams and sound quality sleep and rest. love ya! :D

LAST...

Movie you watched: hustle & flow
Movie you bought : frequency
Song you listened to : canton jones - for myself
CD you bought : j. moss - the j. moss project
CD you listened to : lyfe jennings 268 something
Person you've called : moni
Person that's called you : moni
TV show you watched : tlc - r u the girl

DO...

You have a crush on someone : yes but i am almost over it as i don't see anything evolving from it
You wish you could live somewhere else : yeah on an island
You believe in online dating : no
You want more piercings : no
You like roller coasters : i wouldn't say i like them but i'll ride them (maybe i like some of them is a more accurate answer)
You write in cursive or print : both

FOR OR AGAINST...

Long distance relationships : against
Gay/lesbian relationships : not for but i do believe in free will and a persons right to do whatever they want with their life. so i guess i'm more "do you"... :

HAVE YOU...

Ever cried over a boy : i wouldn't really say over a boy... more over a situation with a boy. but i never cried over a breakup
Ever cried over a girl : no
Ever lied to someone : yep
Ever been in a fist fight : yep

WHAT...

Shampoo do you use : gotta ask my hair stylist (upstairs i have some bootleg stuff that i don't really use)
Shoes do you wear : today it was k-swiss (also... just coolin - tims, nikes, new balance, adidas / dressed up - bakers, riches, mainly heels and boots ugh to flats)
Are you scared of : marrying the wrong man, not having kids, losing family.

NUMBER...

of times I have been in love? : 1
of times I have had my heart broken? : 1
of hearts I have broken? : 1 ( i think :\ )
of times my name has appeared in the paper? : none that i know of
of things in my past that I regret? : oh Lawd... to keep it real -- 5 + lol (i'll stop counting now, i learned from all of that though :D LOL )

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...

Pretty : sometimes
Funny : sometimes
Hot : sometimes
Friendly : you see where this is going :] ---- sometimes
Amusing : sometimes
Ugly : nah
Loveable : yes
Caring : yes
Sweet : yes
Dorky : nah

FAVORITE...

4 letter word : love
Actor/actress : vin diesel / angela bassett
Cartoon : smurfs
Cereal : post selects
Chewing gum : juicy fruit
Color(s) : blue, red, white (and no i'm not patriotic at all, so not all in the same outfit lol)
Day of the week : fri (nite)
Least fave day : mon (morn)
Flower : sunflower
Jelly flavor : grape
Jewelry : silver [or cartier panther motif platinum & diamond filled ring =) to be more specific]
Summer/Winter: summer

WHO LAST...

Slept in your bed : nana
Saw you cry : jay
Made you cry : the person that killed my cousin amaan
Yelled at you : moni
Sent you an email: moni

HAVE YOU EVER...

Said "I love you" and meant it? : yes
Kept a secret from everyone : yes
Cried during a movie : yes
Planned your week based on the TV : yes
Been backstage : don't think so
Been to New York : yes
Been to California : yes
Hawaii : no
China : no
Canada : yes
Europe : no
Asia : no
South America : no
Africa : no

JUST CURIOUS...

What time is it now? : 1.54a
This or That? this
Apples or bananas? : apples
Blue or red? : blue
Walmart or Target? : wally world
Spring or Fall? : fall
What are you gonna do after you finish this? : go to bed
Was the last meal you ate? : fish and chips
Are you bored? : a lot of the time... yes
Last noise you heard? : the fan blowing in the corner
Last smell you sniffed? : fish

FRIENDSHIP/LOVE...

Do you believe in love at first sight? : dunno
Do you want children one day & if so, how many? : yes, used to want 7 now it's as many as i can afford hopefully at least 3
Most important thing to you in a friendship is : keeping it real / no frontin

OTHER INFO...

Do you speak any other languages? : yea
Last book you read? : a taste of reality - kimberla lawson robY
Thing in your bedroom you like? : keyboard
Your Nickname(s) : ke
Initials : ynM
How old do you act? : 20 something
Glasses/Contacts : neither
Braces : nah
Do you have any pets? : nah
You get embarrassed : yes
What makes you happy? : being in line with God's will, the Gospel of Jesus Christ & knowing i'm secure in my salvation
What upsets you? : people who have tunnel vision, people who don't value human life, people who don't care about people other than themselves, people who do retarded things and expect you to rejoice in their retardedness (i use retarded loosely, hoping not to offend anyone)

FINISH THE SENTENCE...

I Love to... : be consistent at the gym
I Miss... : amaan, tonio, deval...
I Am Annoyed by... : ignorance
I Want to be... : what God wants me to be (i'm bankin on that being... successful, married to a wonderful man after God's own heart, a mother, a teacher, a poet, a race car driver, an architect, an animator in at least one big production... and so much more)

he was one of a kind
and 'erbody knew it.
didn't need the bling bling
his light would shine right thru it.
smile -- golden
ya picture -- I'm hold'n
put ya photo in my hat
so now I rock u on my dome
ya face is on my desktop
so u always close to home
8805 on my forces
so I neva walk alone
keep say'n I won't ask my Father
why it is that u gone.
jahaan is off to school,
watch her back... hold her up.
see u when I see ya,
souljah boy, now that's what'sup

: )

i'm missin you right now. sittin at work. dealing with the quirks and hiccups that most monday's bring. wish i could call you cuz. i feel my eyes gettin warm and my chest building pressure.

man i really wanted to put you on to this gospel hip hop i've been gettin into. i wanna get this thing spinnin and ur delivery is so nice. :\ man... well i dunno. i was glad you liked it when i let you hear it the last time. some of it really sounds like your style would compliment well.

as i'm sure you already know we still havent found the dude that did this to you/us. i was watching the movie frequency this weekend. it made me think about you... life isn't like that thou... like a movie i mean... yet at times it feels so much like a movie. i wish you could have made it to my church with me one day too... i understand you were doing your thing thou... i miss you 'maan i miss you bad man... hurts like something crazy. but at the same time i was listening to donnie mc'clurkin's story on the spirit of hip hop this past sunday. and after hearing his story i realize that i can capitalize on all the bumps in my life and that God can get the glory in all situations if you let Him use you. Donnie saw that and I'd be an idiot not to learn from his example. still pain is real and life pushes on.

its been almost 3 months since that day and time is still tickin... people still dying... sometimes good times present themselves and you even get a chance to sneak in a few laughs... then things settle and you find yourself in a quiet space ponder this thang like... sheeesh.

love you cuz.

this world is ill, like rippley's, bahleev it or not
and life is real, even though cat's are quick to go pop
a shot like it aint but its real blood that get's spilled
real dreams put on mute, real loved ones get'n killed
man where my people at. u kno them folks that care enuff to take a stand
where my real thugs, who aint neva skaid to be they own man
instead of do'n what u do cuz thats what yo home boys did
and u know you do it just so you can fit in

man kill da hype, kill the stereotype that you playin into
kill that cookie cutter brother and let out the real you
kill the dope, kill the hate, kill the dyin cuz of where you from
i'd rather you kill all of that but instead you killed amaan
you killed tonio and you killed deval
you killed landry and i see you slowly killin me now
so sick and tired of being sick and tired of this -- whoa
i'm sick and tired of you tryin to make old yak take control

man erything breathing unda the tone of these words
you need to rethink how you operate on this earth, act like you heard
what i'm sayin... i aint playin cuz playtime is ova
if yall dont switch up and dismiss this chip on ya shoulda
you keep sayin u aint neva had and cant dream yo dream and then live it
man read a book cuz john johnson did it
500 hundred and a dream and a slick scheme to get it done
and he stayed legit and still got it done, died a rich món
dis here for Mon and so is erything else that i do
yeah i'm still pissed but Mon this joints for you!
imma make these cats see the real reason you died!
they gone rememba 8805!
i got u baby!

March on Violence! Saturday August 13th, 2005.
SWATS - Southwest Atlanta, GA
Click Here for Details!

love is...
neva forget'n even when the days grow long

love is...
turn'n up the volume when i'm hear'n ur song

love is...
tell'n total strangers how great u were to me

love is...
keep'n that closeness our family has grown to be

love is...
opening eyes wide so our people can see

love is...
keep'n my house in order so one day we can meet

again... tell'n you my friend it gets harder than hard
wanna reach out and hug you but you farther than far
and at night i tell my God how cute and funny u had been
then he smiles at me like—still is, he keep the whole heaven laugh'n

still.. miss'n yo love

why do we...
hate and let it escalate to felonies
feel pleasure and power from seeing a brother on his knees
i don't really get it help me to overstand it please
we need to chill back up and just freeze

why dont we...
build share skillz and count our blessings
pay attention this aint fa joke my God is testing
when night falls no man can work so start addressing
confess wit yo mouf, wit yo heart believe then start adjusting
the worlds a stage, life's the show, my Father's casting
this flows the score, Jesus: the door, now start acting
and i dont mean faking wit yo false pretense eitha
shawty start acting like you got some sense be a bahleva
shoulda learned something from all them bumps and dents
u got from being a hard head tight rope walk'n the fence
be an example kids is watch'n they see & they remember it
now dat i got your attention go on and ponder this

why do we...
hate and let it escalate to felonies
feel power and pleasure from see'n a brotha on his knees
i don't really get it help me to undastand it please
er'body chill sit back and just freeze

why do we... ?

Its with a heavy heart that I come
Lord lift my weight
Father I can't seem to walk on
Cant see through the tears on my face
I'm tired, the kinda tired that shuns sleep
Lord, my God will you carry me

Its with a love for life that I come
loving life more for those that are gone
But Father there are days when I cant seem to keep my smile
Wanna be alone with you for a while
Talk to you about the crazy ways of this world
I will not conform to them Dad
Hear your baby girl

It's with a spirit of giving that I come
I have this knowledge of You Lord
wanna give your people some
show them whats so good, making example of my life
show 'em you don't have to fall for the same trap twice
it's a set up... they runnin a race with no reward
missing the point and the real reason they running for
it's gettin deep and they sinkin its stinkin rotten to the core
now i'm sick and can't watch this no more

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” -- Matthew 16:25

Father...

first and foremost i give honor to YOU Lord for being the head of my life... for your only son Jesus Christ and his undying obedience to you so that i might have eternal life.

i recognize and respect the mission that you have given me in matthew 28:19 "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost". Father... in addition to spreading your word, Lord give me a mission. How can I be a tool in change. How can I make a difference in lives of your young people. we losing 'em Lord. and I can't help but feel that many of them... many of them don't know Your name. how can they be reached? what is the proper vehicle to reach them Lord? will a simple word? will a scripture work? no disrespect Lord. but i dont think cats on simpson and bankhead are trying to hear... For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

give me the words to speak Lord, guide my footsteps. be apart of every action. help me oh Lord. speak to me Father. speak though me Father. Holy Spirit... have Your way. Oh Lord, my Strength, my Redeemer.

Amen

we just get caught up in the crossfire of bullets and hate
folks get t-shirts and tats and jus full up the wake
crying tears like rivers while tryin to keep a straight face
still if the people dont wake up the term rise up is a waste
and i'm mad, so be mad wit me but for all the right reasons
this is treason yall impededing the progress of our people
wiping out generations wit no options of a sequel
weapons iz lethal this aint no movie shawty u aint danny glover
even kids gettin hit while yellin duck for cover!
and in the end you alone with my Jesus lying on the concrete
and thats the spot where your real friends should be
just goes to show its just you and Jesus in this world
just out for a nut yall cats is lower than squirrels
didnt pray for angels to encamp around you the night before
i wish i'd ah known two weeks before
that i wouldnt see my cousin no more
when i saw you cross the street and walk down the way
i would have followed with more words to say
than call me yo... and dont wait for a blue moon
still you answered Fa Sho! imma call you soon
and tell you what's up cuz it's all good
i'm a believer but i'm pissed
can i be pissed and believe?
had to sit back and pray when i wanted to roll up my sleeves
pour some vodka in a martini glass and slurp it down by threes
then scream and holla what the *&^% it's gonna be
and why all my cousins keep leaving me!!
life is crazy like that 'mon it truly is
and i think about u er' day i live
pray that we see clearly where justice is
and even in that, the pain just builds
thank God my Lord promises a peace that surpasses
and you in the land of milk & honey with the greenest grasses
chillin wit uncle john and grandpa mays
got me reminiscin' bout back in the days
when i could stand you on top the bed
listen to you talk and repeat what we said
say shaka - shatah say ke-ke - te-te
that was like yesterday, only if today you could see me
sounds crazy but i wanna talk to you
more than me talkin to myself and answering for you
or was that you??
i dunno... but i love you
i hear you saying cuz i'm above you
doing what the masses in heaven do
praising raising high hands to Thee
always and forever i love you family

it is amazing what can happen in a lifetime.

as short as life is and as hard as it is... when it's all said and done and i look back over my life... i can see right now that it can only be summed up as amazing.

and the world just keeps spinning around.